Waking Up
By: Stephanie MacDonald
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So much time I have wasted
And even more so, mistakes made
Poor choices came so easy
Sometimes without thought,
Like unconscious breath
In a blur of substances
The things I’ve done
The things I’ve said
My biggest regret
Is squandering myself...
The missed opportunities
Different ways my life could have went
With just a clearer head
And a little forethought
How many times I have made myself appear…
Stupid
I’ve let being dealt a bad hand in life
Determine my present
Control my attitude
Become so utterly wild
Reckless in my language and behavior
And impulsive in everyday actions
I was born into a cycle
Only extended by me
From a different face
Continuing what should've never begun
An almost predetermined destiny
But now this is my life?
Not any more, I refuse!
It may have taken me awhile
It's true, better late than never
And I can feel it
I am starting to break free
There is a different kind of fire burning
Bringing with it true sight
A sense of righteousness and strength
I can do this
All I have to do is begin to see again
Putting faith in myself
Opportunities will come
Windows opening to something real
Safe
Stable
Fun
Passionate
Inspired
At the very least, Pleasant!
Almost to fresh air...
Fell back a few steps
We all take our tumbles
I ask uncontrolled:
What have I done?
What did I do to myself?
Why did I leave so many scars?
Why did I let myself fall so far?
It is my fault
I am only to blame
I can only control my own actions
This is now my doing
Ready to accept that responsibility
Escaping the thick fog I was engulfed in
when I made all these decisions
I'm trying to leave it all behind
Understanding that today,
is the only day there is
I must accept things are,
simply what they are
However not permanent
In a situation such as this
The temporary walls constructed
always move when they're meant to be moved
And I have been forced to realize
That as of right now
The only thing I can actually change
Is myself
Know and believe deep, deep down
One day, with this new mindset
Being selfish in a positive way
Moving forward and staying clear headed
Dreams will become reality
Everything will fall into place
And the life, love and companionship
That I now know in my bones I deserve
Will come to cross my path,
and it will be mine
It will be easy
It will be real
After waking up from this dark slumber
I have been in for most of my life
I can see the bigger picture now
And I can only imagine how amazing it will be once complete
For me to come out of all of the life I've had so far
Victorious
Strong
Grateful
Respectful of myself, finally
My future is going to be very bright
I will find my place
What I am meant to do
One day joined by the hand of someone
A certain kindred spirit
For I know what I desire,
Desires me too!
As it is said,
“All things in good time”
I can do this
I will do this
Succeed...
I found happiness in myself
That I have long forgotten about
Yes, I can be happy with just myself
But I know I will not end up alone
While I may not be guaranteed time
I have faith that I’ll have just the right amount
But for now, I come first
I learn to remain calm, centered, and clear
Erase and overcome the darkness with light
Lighten up
Stay focused, determined
Remind myself I'm better than I even know
If obstacles find themselves on my path
even if no else one sees them or wants to help
It is okay with me
I am tougher beyond my own belief
I realize now I am built to survive...
One day the universe will turn to me
And whisper in my ear
"It’s your turn!"
Everything will end up going my way
All these great visions of the future
These daydreams and fantasies
They will all come true
All I have to do is take it
One day at a time
One foot in front of the other
And trust in the fact that
It will all have been well worth the wait